Come to think of it critically, women face more trials and endure alot more than men. Take for instance, the stress of carrying pregnancy for nine months, labour pains like no other, trials of experiencing miscarriage – the physical pain, emotional pain, psychological pain (pain of bereavement and loss).
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The trials of infertility including the steadfastness, endurance, stigma, depression, anxiety, misery, endless prayers, hopes and expectations, the trials of postpartum depression, the trials of the loss of a child be it in the womb, a baby, a toddler, a grown child, an adult child, loss of parent, siblings, etc.
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The trial of breastfeeding day and night, waking up and staying awake to attend to babies, restlessness and sleeplessness when her baby is sick, the trials of caring for an abnormal child with deformities or disabilities. Great trials too numerous to count and too great to quantify.
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I think men come close only when they go for jihad and face the enemy in the battlefield. That is why the death of a woman during the trials of childbirth is similar to the martyrdom of a mujahid on the battlefield.
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Perhaps the other trial men go through that can compare a bit with those of women is the continuous and endless trials having to take care of the financial and leadership responsibilities as the head of the family.
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Then the trials of a woman having to submit to the unconditional leadership of a man in marriage and family comes to mind too. It is not easy for a human to submit to another except he or she is blessed with a lot of patience and humility. Believing women endure this trial with great patience and equanimity even under inconsiderate and tyrannical husbands.
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What of the trial of having to share her husband with another woman. That is a very great trial indeed if only we understand what they have to go through. It is the peak of total submission to the will of Allah who permitted polygyny and women bow to His laws willingly or unwillingly, both in hardship and ease.
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Some men with shallow minds do not reason all these trials that women have to go through and endure endlessly. They take women for granted. About their defect in character having being created from the crooked rib, this is also a great trial they have to endure because they can’t possibly change the creation of Allah despite being aware of the defect and willing to do something about it.
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This is why Allah has enjoined men to love women and tolerate their nuances, temperaments, provocations, shenanigans and tantrums. Allah says that if you hate them because of a helpless fault of theirs, it may be that you hate someone in whom He has invested a lot of good.
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Or can you show me a man that can live without a woman when our tranquility and peace of mind has been placed in them. A man will remain unfocused, distracted, confused, absentminded and disoriented until he gets married to a woman. He is then enjoined to be patient with them and be generous towards them.
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A man should not expect to enjoy all the good and benefits (blessings) in a woman without expecting to endure her imperfections. Allah did not make any humans to be perfect if not, women would have compared to the heavenly angels with all their beauty and resilience in enduring endless trials.
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Today most men will find it difficult to reach the lofty position of women in the sight of Allah except they frequent the battlefield to fight in the cause of Allah or they engage in ibadah, prayers and fasting constantly and continuously till they meet their end.
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So, for these reasons we should adore, pamper, tolerate, endure and be extremely gentle and generous towards our mothers, daughters, aunts, nephews and especially our wives because they serve us diligently and are submissive to us and care for us and our children.
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And remember! What goes round comes round. If you take good care of someone’s daughter and sister, Allah will ensure your daughters and sisters are equally well taken care of. And Rasulullah s.a.w. said that he who shows mercy upon Allah’s slave will be shown mercy by the Merciful Lord.
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Our believing women should continue to remain patient and know that their reward is with Allah and great indeed is their reward. And they should remember that after hardship comes ease and the reward of beautiful patience is jannah!.
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May Allah bless us with righteous wives and reward our women immensely in both worlds for their great sacrifices, endurance and steadfastness in the face of untold trials. Amin.
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Fuad-deen Olabisi Kekere-ekun
