Many of us have bosses don’t we? How would you enjoy a work environment where your boss, with all the powers he has over you, barks orders and speaks to you like you don’t matter. Compare that to a boss that is soft spoken, gentle and considerate in speech. Even when he is emphatic in assigning you to a duty he does so recognising that you are still human.
There are men who practically need to be taught how to speak to a woman they call their wife and it starts with the regard he has for her. Leadership shouldn’t make a monster out of you. It should make you responsible and considerate.
So how do you talk to your wife with dignity?
1. Do not raise your voice.
There are moments of anger and disagreements or probably a need for emphasy, but making it a habit to always raise your voice to make your point is bad. It is even bad to use such with your children let alone an adult. It may be a pattern ingrained in you which you have to learn to work on, afterall we all strive to get better everyday. Be a calm and collected man who articulates what he wants to say. Try not to speak when angry for you are likely to say things you don’t mean (yeah, it’s difficult but try). Do not speak carelessly for sometimes you will have spoken before you realise you are wrong and then your ego forces you to defend the nonsense you spoke, and then you have to raise your voice to force it in.
2. Normalise using ‘please’ sometimes.
We should be humble in leadership. Don’t feel too big to ask politely. Even I had to force myself to get used to saying please when asking for a thing from my wife. I always found no need for it, afterall I make the request solemnly. But when I say “Dear, pass me XYZ”, my wife will say “say please”. I will either grumble and mutter it or ignore it. Then our daughter reached the age where she learned from all the happenings around her and it dawned on me that I needed to adjust. Saying please is not a one way street. The young should say it to the old and vice versa. It only shows you have some regard for the person you are asking for a favor from.
3. Apologise when you are wrong, say it and mean it.
That culture where men are never wrong is retarded culture! Nobody is perfect. When you realise you have done something wrong climb down from your high horse of ego and apologise. Be remoseful in apology and verbally say it. Calling your wife to your room and being intimate with, believing she should take it as an apology cue only shows you are egocentric. Trust me, you wouldn’t lose one of your scrotum if you open your mouth and say “I am sorry”. Also, don’t use being sorry as a manipulative tool. Sorry can become meaningless if the underlying problem is not addressed or you are an unrepentant offender.
4. Avoid publicly chastising her.
Women have blood running in their veins too. Shaming them publicly kills of lf their affection for you. Pull them to a private area and do all your chastising. Not before your kids, or your parents, or her parents, or anyone for that matter. Even in anger, we should not lose sight of the need to protect the dignity of our wives. There is life after anger.
5. Avoid insults as much as you can.
Some men have insult on the tip of their tongues, an arrow they shoot at the slightest provocation, and their quiver never runs short of armor. Some even do worse! They will not just insult her but also insult her parents. Men like that have very deplorable character. If he has no regard for your parents you are probably not worth a mosquito in his eyes. If the tree means nothing to you how will you have any value for its fruit?
Making marriages work is not a responsibility of any particular gender. We all must look inwards and constantly evaluate ourselves seeking out areas that need improvement. You wont be able to do this if you are delusional about yourself believing you are an infallible specimen of humanity.
We are all a work in progress.
Abu Imrān
