POLYGYNY
My tiny advice to our sisters in Islamic polygyny
Co-wives in polygyny are like passengers on the same vehicles. They boarded at different point with an independent contract. They became companion on a journey of life by destiny and by choice. This journey, designed by the One who decreed it, has got rules and regulations, and He (Allah) is the referee. Human beings are only linesmen. Avoid foul and penalty at all costs.
These co-travellers have different backgrounds, upbringing, and life goals. They are like a player from different coach having to play in the same match. What unify them is the rule of the game. Hence, everyone should learn the rules of the game. Avoid asking for rights but your duties.
The co-traveller has two choices.
The first choice is to enjoy the ride together happily by learning and following rules of the game and earn heavy rewards. Experience will be like paradise on earth.
The second choice is to ignore the rules of the game, commit foul, quarell, outsmart each other, be a mafia, manipulate the driver, be greedy, self-centered, and get penalized by the referee. It is a choice for the journey in which the experience will be worse than hell on earth. (Wal auzubillah)
I will advise they choose option one. In that option, they will have to follow these Eleven (11) tiny advices.
1. It is an act of worship. Be responsible for your attitude, speeches, and actions. Allah says: “And everything they did is in written records. And every small and great [thing] is inscribed.Indeed, the righteous will be among gardens and rivers,” (Q54: 52-54)
2. Be selfless in the journey. Do not expect appreciation from anyone but Allah. Allah honoured the Ansar thus: “And [also for] those who were settled in the Home [i.e.,al-Madīnah] and [adopted] the faith before them. They love those who emigrated to them and find not any want in their breasts of what they [i.e., the emigrants] were given but give [them] preference over themselves, even though they are in privation. And whoever is protected from the stinginess of his soul – it is those who will be the successful.”(Q59:9) Read the book ” Sacrifice: the making of a Muslim.”
3. You owe each other the right of sisterhood as entrenched in Islam. “The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. And fear Allāh that you may receive mercy. (Q49:10)
4. Avoid competition. Everyone has her goal to score with Allah, not human beings. Stop borrowing from.other people life pattern, only learn from the bringer of glad tidings, Muhammad (saw)
5. Apologise even when you think you are right. Be the peace maker.
6. Show gratitude for every little thing anyone does to you as ibaada.
7. The husband is a nice garment Allah has decree co-wives should share, do not be greedy. Dragging it might tear the garment, and all and sundry suffer the consequences
8. Evaluate yourself at every point of the journey and ask yourself, “What could I have done better next time to make journey sweeter for the travellers and the driver?”” Avoid conditions that will destract the driver, else everyone’s safety will be at risk or the journey becomes longer. Remember, when the driver is happy, he makes better decisions for the safety of all, and no one feels the stress of the journey.
9. See all occupants of your husband’s house as an opportunity to please Allah, your sister or brother in Islam, do not cheat him/her, do not spy, backbite, slander, outsmart anyone, the referee is watching.
10. Avoid rumour or hear-say, reading facial expressions or perceived emotional action, fear Allah. “O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful.” (49:6)
11. Adopt Sabr, (patience, perseverance, endurance, commitment, dedication) to serving Allah. Shaitan and his armies among men and jin are out there to soil your intention and drag you to get a red card from the referee. Rememeber Allah’s admonition to the believers on the journey of life: “O you who have believed, persevere and endure and remain firm and fear Allāh that you may be successful.” (Q3:200)
May Allah grant us the honour of those people Allah described in the Qur’an: “And will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments]. (Q76:12)
May Allah grant us aljannat firdaus for playing the game by the rules. Ameen.
From the stable of our Ministry.
Honourable Saheed Amoo cares.
