Client: I need your counsel, sir
I: OK. You may go ahead, ma’am.
Client: I have a high libido. I hope you understand, sir?
I: Yeah, I do. But you need to talk in specifics for better understanding.
Client: I mean my sexual urge is high.
I: OK, let me help you (the young lady was obviously shy)
Client: Thank you, sir
I: How old are you?
Client: 19, sir
I: Are you ready to open up?
Client: I am, sir. I wasn’t forced to contact you. I did on my own volition.
I: Good. How did you realize your libido was high?
Client: I feel it.
I: What do you do?
Client: I’m a student, sir.
I: What school? (She mentioned it). What level are you?
Client: 200
I: Have you had any sexual experience with a man?
Client: Yes, sir (she said reluctantly)
I: How many times?
Client: I’ve lost count.
I: OK. How many men?
Client: Just two, sir.
I: Random guys or boyfriends?
Client: I can’t do random guys, sir. I’m from a very good Muslim home. But I will not want to go into the detail.
I: What do you mean by “a very good Muslim home”?
Client: Sir, my parents are devout Muslims like you, sir. I was well brought up. I was given all the teachings I needed before my admission into the university.
I: So, what happened? What changed?
Client: I derailed, sir (she burst into tears). That’s why I don’t want to go into the detail.
I: So, what do you do when you have an urge?
Client: I masturbate.
I: How about the guy(s).
Client: I stopped having an affair with any man because I decided to turn a new leaf. With my level of Islām, I should not be found doing that stuff. Right now, I have no man in my life but I still can’t do without their romantic companionship. My horniness is not from the world. That’s why I resorted to masturbation.
I: Have you discussed this with your mum?
Client: She would kill me
I: Your dad?
Client: He would roast me
I: How about a trustworthy elderly friend or relation?
Client: I’m afraid I will be gossiped. If they don’t tell their friends, they will tell their husbands — who may tell someone that will tell someone until I become an object of ridicule.
I: How about a female therapist. I can recommend reliable ones.
Client: They are all in the category of women I mentioned earlier. My experience with my fellow women would not make me open up to them. I think it’s our nature.
I: But it’s not good to be paranoid.
Client: What’s that, sir?
I: Paranoid means distrust — when you trust no one except yourself.
Client: Not really, sir. After all, here I am talking to you.
I: So, why me?
Client: I don’t know. But I feel my secret is safe with you.
I: What gave you that assurance? I’m human too, remember?
Client: Yes, you are. But from what I’ve heard about you and read from your posts, I don’t see you betraying trusts.
I: But will I be permitted to share your story for people to learn?
Client: With all pleasure, sir. I’ve read many from your wall too. That’s one of the reasons I summoned the courage to talk to you, sir.
I: OK, back to the matter. What’s your plan about getting married?
Client: That’s the problem, sir.
I: How?
Client: My parents want me to finish school.
I: Have you discussed it with them?
Client: I can never. In fact, I have an elder sister who is not married yet.
I: Why is she not married?
Client: She has the same ideology as my parents even though I know she’s no longer a virgin. I can’t even tell her my problem. She’s a bloody pretender and deceiver.
I: Are you ready to get married.
Client: Yes, sir
I: And you are convinced that’s what you want to do?
Client: Yes, I’m. Isn’t that the only solution to my problem?
I: But do you know that marriage is beyond sex? It is an ocean to be swim for life.
Client: That’s why we need scholars like you to put us through. Sir, if I go into the detail of my sexual life, you will marvel. That’s why I’m not interested in the story. My parents believe they know me but they actually don’t. Although, my mummy talks to me o, but she has no idea what my feelings are. I wish I could take to her admonition but my body is not allowing me.
I: Did any of the encounters lead to pregnancy?
Client: That’s one of the reasons I don’t want to go indepth.
I: But you’ve got to tell me this — for your own good.
Client: Yes, it was.
I: How many times?
Client: Just once, anyway. I didn’t allow a second occurrence, sir.
I: So, where is the baby?
Client: Baby? I got it aborted. That’s why I’m resolute to get married (she burst into tears)
I: It’s OK. Just calm down. I promise, I will not dig more than I had dug.
Client: Thank you, sir (still crying)
I: Would you want me to talk to your dad?
Client: Hmm! That is if you assure me things will not scatter.
I: Don’t worry. With Allāh, everything will be under control.
Client: OK, sir
………………
Parents and their conservative parenting styles in a delicate modern age. To thrive with parenting in this era, you need to understand Child and Adolescence Psychology, and how the knowledge is applied to parent the children.
Sanni Kay Yūsuf