Upon my return to the UK, I inquired after a female friend from a mutual acquaintance who owns a barber shop. I was informed she had returned to her native Nigeria.
This news did not come as a shock. A few months prior, she had called me, distraught, detailing her decision to end her marriage to a Ghanaian gentleman of my acquaintance. Her primary grievance was that he was not keen on building assets with her, or for the two children she had brought from a previous relationship.
During our conversation, I offered a perspective that many may find blunt, but which is rooted in financial and emotional reality. I explained that while some men of considerable means may choose to provide houses for stepchildren, any woman who expects a new partner to build a legacy primarily for children who are not his own is fundamentally deluded.
She elaborated that her capacity to work was limited by childcare responsibilities, and therefore, she expected her husband to initiate discussions about purchasing a family home in the UK.
As her friend, I felt compelled to be candid. I told her that if her husband were to seek my counsel on the matter, I would advise extreme caution. Investing in a UK property for a wife who could divorce him tomorrow—leaving him potentially liable for a 50/50 split on an asset that would ultimately benefit her and her children from another man—is a significant financial risk.
I suggested that someone had likely advised him accordingly, which might explain why he was, by her account, quietly building a business in Ghana without her knowledge.
I further clarified that it is both improper and profoundly unfair to place the expectation of generational wealth-building for another man’s children onto a new partner. To frame this as a spousal responsibility is, in my view, a form of emotional and financial cruelty.
This situation highlights a common but troubling pattern. Women often prioritise their immediate feelings over the long-term stability of their children, without fully considering the consequences of their choices.
My consistent advice to her was simple: if the biological fathers of your children are not providing assets for them, that responsibility falls to you, their mother. If you are unable to fulfil it, then your children’s predicament is, unfortunately, a direct consequence of your own past decisions. You cannot justly outsource this fundamental duty to a new man.
This is one of the key reasons I personally do not date women with existing children. I am unwilling to assume a significant financial responsibility for children who are not my own, particularly when their biological father is still alive.
A relationship should not be a platform for transferring pre-existing burdens onto a new participant or partner. Each man must build for his children, so before you decide to have sex with a man, think about this.
–Chris-Vincent Agyapong