What it means to be a Submissive Wife
Like the man is unconditionally obligated to feed, shelter, cloth and generally care for the woman, so the woman is under compulsion to submit herself to the matrimonial supremacy of the man. This standard is not only religious but also cultural. This I tell would-be couples during premarital counseling – that he who will not be passionate about giving and caring for his wife, and she who will not be voluntarily submissive to her husband should not near marriage.
Submissiveness, to a muslimah, is not defined as she so wishes. To be submissive, by the standard of Islām, is to be obedient, compliant, humble, meek, malleable, tractable and controllable. This is clearly enshrined in the Qur’ān where Allāh says, فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰت – that “pious women are those who are submissive to their husbands”. [Surah An-Nisāʾ: 34]
To be submissive is to see your husband as your king even though you are her queen too, and the palace while being domestically managed by you is supremely controlled by him.
To be submissive is to be controllable. To be controllable is to be ready to subject yourself to the dictates of your husband should they not run contrary to the injunctions of Allāh and/or His apostle. A woman who is not ready to be controlled is likely to end up a serial divorcee – doing involuntary hijrah from one man to another.
To be submissive is to be ready to drop your opinion if your husband is not convinced of your argument. You hang up and revisit it later rather than insist yours be taken. If he’s still not convinced, pray to Allāh to make his chosen decision fruitful. Yours too might be disastrous, after all.
To be submissive is to keep mute when he says so, especially in the presence of outsiders. You’re having a verbal fight with someone and your husband on appearance asks you to seal up, you should do so without hesitation.
To be submissive is to go nowhere without your husband’s crystal clear permission.
Submissiveness is not limited to cooking for your husband and being available to be bedded by him. Submissiveness is about making your husband be in charge of you the way you are in charge of his children.
Submissiveness, to feminists and ‘unIslāmic’ muslimahs (self-acclaimed servants of Allāh), is dogmatism. To them, the matrimonial ship should be sailed by two captains. It’s no big deal to have four hands on the wheel. The direction each of them chooses to get to their destination does not matter. The ship will still not drown. Jokers!
It is obviously not easy to be submissive. It is a bitter pill women find extremely difficult to swallow. This is why Allāh was meticulously selective in His choice of words as indicated above. He knew it’s not all women that would be able to do it. That’s why He used the word صالحات (the pious women). This means that if you are submissive, you are pious, if you are not, you are not. Consider this Hadīth:
عن عبد الرحمن بن عوف قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: إذا صلت المرأة خمسها وصامت شهرها وحفظت فرجها وأطاعت زوجها قيل لها ادخلي الجنة من أي أبواب الجنة شئت. ورواه ابن حبان في صحيحه.
“If a woman observes her five daily prayers, fasts Ramadān, guards her genital (from adultery) and obeys her husband’s instructions, it will be said to her (on Judgement Day): “Enter the Paradise from any door you like”.
The onus is now on you, my dear sister, to choose to be a pious woman or an impious woman.
As usual, I will be expecting punches and jabs from the unsubmissive women. I’m ready to face the music. No one should pity me.
Sanni Kay Yūsuf